The 10 Commandments

Every religion has rules! Though Raaaboism is unique, it still has to enforce some guidelines upon its followers. How else would anyone know that you are a Raaaboist?

With Raaaboism you will never have to worry about petty meaningless things like Women, Sex, and Wealth. Instead you will be blissfully involved in discovering the joys of the vast unknown and supernatural, with The Great God Raaabo (me) as your leader.

Here are the (updated) Commandments you should follow in order to ensure that you rise up the sacred rungs of Raaaboism. The Great God has fixed some major bugs, and compatibility issues with Women 1.0 in this Release Candidate version:

The 10.2.63RC1 Commandments

1| Thou shalt NEVER second-guess or disobey the Great God Raaabo. He is always right and just, and holds the divine powers of humanity in his almighty palm. The Great God Raaabo will be your master and leader throughout your pathetic and miserable lives. (Unchanged: Why mess with a good thing?)

2| Thou shalt laugh, tell jokes, commit hilarity or indulge in similar activities including stand-up comedy… Provided you do it without ever laughing yourself, with both hands tied behind you back, hopping on your left foot, on the parapet / railing of the roof of a building that is at least 15 stories high, and simultaneously attempting to dial the Great God’s Sacred phone number with your nose. Also remember that if you fall before you are connected to the Sacred Number, and before the Great God answers, you will be damned into the eternal fires of hell. (I insist, I really MUST hear you screaming as you fall… if you want to be let into heaven)

3| Thou shalt disregard all those who criticize the Great God, and consider them weaklings. Since Raaaboism teaches the survival of the fittest, thou shalt mortally wound such weaklings of faith. (Beware! All those who criticise my holy teachings)

4| Thou shalt NEVER think or indulge in ANY activity involving grey matter or reasoning and follow the teachings of Raaaboism, Great God Raaabo and his clergy with the blind faith that is so prevalent in every successful religion thus far. (Unchanged: another good thing)

5| Thou shalt covet money and materials, and always attempt to procure the same with the minimal amount of effort. After the procurement of the said valuables, you should donate them to the holy ones of Raaaboism. Contact details are listed below. (Nobody liked the old “work hard for money” commandment, especially the Great God, so it was changed by popular demand)

6| Thou shalt covet the females of all species, especially the humanoid type. Thou shalt watch as much porn as possible, and imagine thyself with all those lovely naked women. (Most people found the old rigid “Forget about Women” commandment, unappealing. We hope this one will appeal to our followers more, however, please read Commandment 7 carefully before rejoicing)

7| Thou shalt not sexually / lustfully touch ALL humans, and SOME animals. These include, most importantly, thyself (watch the porn, oogle at the women, but you try and beat off and you’ll be beaten in hell), other men, women, those things in between, Chickens, Goats and Cows, (which provide us with the sacred meal of MacDonalds Chicken burgers, Mutton Biryani and Beef steak, which the Great God ate at the First Supper) and of course, Porky the Pig (the provider of the sacred host – Pepperoni).

8| Being a part of the world’s smallest religion will teach you humility, non-violence and acceptance of other religions. Of course this doesn’t mean that Raaboites become pussies and weaklings.

As my faithful followers, it is the sworn duty of every Raaaboite to kill / maim / massacre every terrorist, drug peddler, politician, President of the US with an IQ of less than 90, women who scorn The Great God’s sexual advances, rapists, the guys who stand behind you in the shower in jail, the morons who do wheelies on their bikes and then fall on their asses, anyone who says “tu jaanta nahi mein kaun hoon” (“you don’t know who I am” – generally a threat issued by some moron because he’s too chicken to actually fight), truck drivers who spew black acrid smoke on highways, and lawyers, plumbers and mechanics who overcharge!

9| Thou shalt never blame this Web site, or the Great God, for any shit you get yourself into. Thy job as a Raaaboite, is to protect the Great God’s ass from getting into trouble with any authority of any kind. As a ritual, the Great God will get himself into trouble every now and then and test the faithful. The faster you sacrifice yourself or your money to get me out of a jam, the faster you will enjoy the divine fruits of paradise!

10| If any person(s) is(are) offended, or disagree with the teachings of this web site (or religion), either before or after converting to Raaaboism… please refer to Commandment #1, or else…

KISS MY GREAT GOD ASS!!!

 

 

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